Straight men gone gay
My 50 years of Gay (But most of it was spent deep in the closet)
Michael* ponders how his life might have been if he’d felt capable to come out as gay earlier in animation, and how community organization support can make a difference now . . .
OK, in retrospect I’ve probably been gay for more than 50 years, but it was around 1967, when I was at the tender age of 13, that I began to see my friends in a unused light, and it dawned on me that some of them were rather good-looking.
Prior to this, I’d always preferred to be around other boys, girls just didn’t interest me.
I remember at primary academy, when I was probably only about 5 or 6 years old, I used to prefer creature with the other boys, and as I got a bit older it was boys that I spent my playtimes with, both in and out of school.
There were lots of girls in the neighbourhood, but it seemed that boys played with boys, and girls played with girls, and that suited me perfectly.
At the age of 7, I had been enrolled into the Cubs, so even more of my spare time was spent with other boys. In evidence, I remained an active member of the Scouting movement until I left home for university some 11 years later.
Starting secondary scho
Sexual identities and sexual behaviors don't always match because sexuality is multidimensional. Many people recognizesexual fluidity, and some even identify as "mostlystraight."
Fewer people know that some men and womenhave same-sex encounters, yet nonetheless perceive themselves as exclusively straight. And these people are not necessarily "closeted" gays, lesbians or bisexuals.
When a closeted gay or bisexual man has sex with another man, he views that sex as reflecting his secret culture. He is not unseal about that identity, likely because he fears discrimination. When a straight male has sex with another man, however, he views himself as straight despite his sex with men.
In my book, "Still Straight: Sexual Flexibility among Alabaster Men in Rural America," I investigate why some men who identify as straight have sex with other men. Large nationally representative surveys show that hundreds of thousands of straight American men—at least—have had sex with two or more other men. This finding represents a disconnect between identity and behavior, and researchers from around the world—in the United States, Australia and the U.K.—have studied this topic.
It involves two
An Introduction
My client sat in the chair looking down at the floor, glancing up briefly to create eye contact, then darting his eyes back to the carpet. He spoke quietly, as if almost afraid to be heard. He clutched his hands throughout the session, putting on all the markers of an anxious man in the throes of shame. He was a modern client to my practice: a married, middle-aged, suburban dad with a high-powered career. A colleague had given him my number months before. It took him a long day to muster the courage to call and build an appointment. Towards the end of our first session he looked up at me and said, “I think I’m in love…with another man. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do.”
I have worked with hundreds of gay men in heterosexual marriages struggling with being in the closet or wanting to come out from it. There is so much about these men that is misunderstood and very few studies or little literature to provide insight. I decided to share my thoughts and research about these men and their struggles at a conference a few years ago. That presentation led to other opportunities to tell their story and of my work with them. Those presentations prompted men to write to
Straight Males and Lesbian Experimentation
Ooner1
Quite simply, I’m wondering how common it is for self-identifying vertical males to experiment with homosexuality. Sorry if this comes off as asking for TMI, or if it’s in the erroneous forum (seemed too "what’s your personal experience?) for GD.
Being gay and having gay friends, I notice a lot about 2 kinds of dealings with straight guys. The first is youthful experimentation, before the participants are fully aware or comfortable with their sexual orientation. I personally never had such experiences, I didn’t own sexual contact with anyone until I was fairly mature and comfortable with my sexuality.
The other contact is the kind of thing you hear about more in erotic fiction or porn, which is the sleeping with the straight guy AFTER they’re both older and arrange in their sexual orientation. I’ve had friends speak about how they’ve “gotten with” straight guys just because the timing was right, a guy was horny or what contain you. Again, I perceive nothing of the sort, and always considered vertical guys to be completely unattainable.
Now, I don’t include too many straight male friends, and those I do have I’ve never asked a
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